Sorry, Barbie

I'm not quite sure how it slipped by me, but earlier this year on March 9 Barbie turned 50. Wow!

Now, I had my share of Barbies. My cousin and I spent untold hours dressing them up, driving them around in that pink car, and having them hold imaginary conversations with Ken. Occasionally, they even kissed him. Don't tell Mom.

And for all you grown-up little girls out there who still secretly feel bad that you didn't grow up to look like Barbie, this should make you feel better:

Real Women vs. Barbie
Real Women Average woman's heigh is 5'4" Their weight is approx. 140 lbs. They wear a size 14 dress Their bust is between 36" and 37" (B cup) Their waist is between 30" and 34" Their hips average between 40" and 42" Their shoe size is estimated to be between 8.5 and 9.5		Barbie (as a human) Barbie's height would be 7'2" Her weight would be 101 lbs. She would wear a size 4 dress Her bust would be 39" (FF cup) Her waist would be 19" (same as her head) Her hips would be 33" Her shoe size would be a 5 0

Barbie's body would have room for only half of a liver and only a few inches of intestines, as opposed to the usual 26 feet. The result: chronic diarrhea and death from malabsorption & malnutrition. Barbie's neck is twice as long as the average human's which would make it impossible to hold up her head. Barbie's waist is the same circumference as her head. Barbie's legs are 50% longer than her arms, whereas the average woman's legs are only 20% longer than her arms. To look like a barbie proportionally, a healthy woman would need to add 61 cm to her height, subtract 15 cm from her waist, add 13 cm to her chest, and 8 to her neck length. If a woman had the same measurements as Barbie, she would not have enough body fat to menstruate (and obviously to have children). There are 3 billion women on the planet who don't look like Barbie; only 8 women come close. Barbie would be unable to walk upright (she would need to walk on all 4's): her feet are so proportionately small that her chest would pull her perpetually forward onto her toes. Now, don't you feel better?