Saturday, May 23, 2009

No Gleanings from Twilight

I know I said I was through with Twilight, but I just can't help myself. If you remember, I've done a recurring post called "Gleanings from My Readings" with beautiful or profound or funny or interesting quotes from whatever I've read lately--magazines, poetry, newspapers, novels, whatever. (At least, I've done it when I haven't been so immersed in writing that my reading life is nonexistent.) But I just spent almost two weeks reading Meyer's four novels, and although I almost always read with a pencil in hand to underline great sentences or make marginal notes, it didn't take long to find out I didn't need one for the Twilight saga--around 2000 pages without one passage begging me to underline it. Pretty sad. Well, I was tempted to underline for repetitive word use and make nasty comments in the margin, but that was just the editor in me coming out.

So, in honor of my tradition, here are some *great* lines from Twilight. Please feel free to guffaw loudly.

And, no, I didn't waste my time gathering these quotes myself. You can find them and more at Twilight Quotes. Ready? Here you go:

Edward's Best Lines:

Bella: You were right. Edward: I usually am, but about what in particular this time?

Perhaps something more private?

Do I dazzle you?

Your number was up the first time I met you.

I don't want to hear that you feel that way. It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella - please, grasp that.

You were right - I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive.

Do you really believe that you care more for me than I do for you?

Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?

I can be patient - if I make a great effort.

I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in - my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that! As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off.

Don't be afraid. I promise ... I swear not to hurt you.

So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?

You are exactly my brand of heroin.

You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.

Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb ... Bella: Stupid lamb. Edward: Sick, masochistic lion.

As you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely.

Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?

Edward: Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk. Bella: Drunk? Edward: You're intoxicated by my very presence.

Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet.

I may not be a human, but I am a man.

Your hair looks like a haystack ... but I like it.

I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in - what would the neighbors think?

Bella: I love you. Edward: You are my life now.

What am I going to do with you? Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!

You're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?

It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory.

If you let anything happen to yourself - anything at all - I'm holding you personally responsible.

They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it - it made you smell all wrong for a while.

Bella: You stole a car? Edward: It was a good car, very fast.

Bella: Edward I honestly can't dance! Edward: Don't worry silly. I can.

Twilight, again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.

Bella's Best Lines:

Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.

I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death.

And how long have you been seventeen?

I fall down a lot when I run.

I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him.

Sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else.

I'm absolutely ordinary - well, except for bad things like near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled.

His eyes did that unfair smoldering thing again.

Did they know that I knew? Was I supposed to know that they knew that I knew, or not?

My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him.

Edward: I was thinking, while I was running ... Bella: About not hitting trees, I hope.

It's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell.

I need another human minute.

Vampires like baseball?

Edward: Now, what exactly are you worrying about? Bella: Well, um, hitting a tree - and dying. And then getting sick.

It would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet.

Don't I taste as good as I smell?

I was not finished kissing you. Don't make me come over there.

Are you tired of having to save me all the time?

A man and woman have to be somewhat equal ... as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally.

You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose.

I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do.

In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will?

Other Best Lines:

Jake: You wouldn't happen to know where I could get my hands on a master cylinder for a 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit?

Mike: He looks at you like ... like you're something to eat.

Alice: It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share.

Renee: Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you.

Now, aren't you just dying to read this literary treasure?


Jonathan G. Reinhardt said...


Though I have met people I wanted to ask, "And how long have you been seventeen?"

Usually, their biological age is somewhere in the early forties and they're now a) wearing their teenage daughter's clothes and shouldn't or b) just bought a new sportscar and started wearing band t-shirts.

Perhaps we should send SMeyers some books by Oscar Wilde.

Stephanie said...

Darn. Does that mean I should quit wearing my Aerosmith t-shirt?


I love Oscar Wilde. I do think he and SMeyer have something in common--I laugh out loud when I read them both; it's just that I laugh for very different reasons.