A No-Brainer

The other day, the morning crew of a radio station I regularly listen to posed a question for listeners: If you could have, fully paid for by someone else, five years of any type of personal service, what would it be?

One man called in and said he’d take year-round lawn service. An elderly widow said she’d really like to have a handyman, to move furniture and change out light bulbs and all the other things “she never gave much thought to when she had a man around the house.” One college student wanted a professional note-taker to go to class for her so she could sleep in and have fun with friends but still get her credit hours. A young professional wanted a personal assistant to meet his every need, one just like those who trail behind major CEO’s in the movies. One woman longed for a personal shopper, another for a Life Coach. One young mother thought it would be great to have a chauffeur to take her kids to all their activities so she didn’t have to spend so much time behind the wheel. Quite a few people wanted personal trainers, and lots of women would gladly let a chef into their kitchens if someone else were footing the bill.

But for me, it was a no-brainer. Of course I’d have a housekeeper. Not that those other things wouldn’t be nice to have, but come on. You don’t have to mow in the winter. You don’t move furniture or change light bulbs every day. Going to class is one of the FUN things in life (okay, I know I’m weird here). It would irritate me to be followed around all the time, and I don’t shop that much anyway. I know some pretty wise people that I could go to for counsel if I needed it, and all my kids are grown. For exercise advice, there are books, and magazines, and DVD’s, or you could even pay for one or two sessions with a trainer yourself. And food? I know you eat regularly, but you can always open a can of soup or fix a sandwich. You can nuke a Lean Cuisine, or go out to eat.

But a house is a never-ending chore. I mean, you dust and it comes right back. You mop and someone tracks up the floor. Clothes hampers are breeding grounds for more dirty clothes, and beds get unmade every night. Dishes have a regular circuit from cabinet to sink, and somehow stuff always seems to pile up on flat surfaces. It’s not that I don’t love a clean house; I do. It’s just that I wish I were not the one who had to keep it that way. There are way more fulfilling things to do in life besides clean toilets and wipe down baseboards. Like read. Or write. Or visit with friends. Or admire the leaves on a beautiful fall day.

Oh, well. I’ve gotten pretty carried away for a hypothetical question. But if any of you are suddenly the recipient of an unexpected windfall and feel charitable, you don’t have to guess what I’d want.