Move It!

They say confession is good for the soul, so here I go. I'm not a very patient person. I'm better than I used to be, but I'm not sure that's saying a lot. Also, I feel like I never have enough time to do all I need to do plus all I want to do. So, I'm usually concerned with doing what I need to do in a timely manner (read: I rush around madly) so I can get on with what I would rather be doing.

Well . . .

Yesterday afternoon, as soon as my last class was over, I headed to Walmart. Now, I didn't really want to go there, but I didn't want to give up any of my precious Saturday or Sunday buying groceries either, so I went.

I started out at a nice pace, quickly grabbing what I needed and tossing it into the buggy, but my efficiency didn't last very long. Somehow, no matter where I turned, there were two little old ladies on motorized carts in my way. They would park side by side in the aisle and talk. Or drive side by side. Or I'd go down an aisle that was partially blocked by a stocker and they'd be lined up and parked on the other side, blocking the whole thing. Several times I changed my game plan to get out from behind them, but it made no difference. Everywhere I turned, there they were. I made it to the produce section, and they'd beat me there, somehow, and pulled up to things in such a way that I couldn't even get around them. I felt rude just standing there, waiting, waiting, waiting . . . but I didn't know what else to do. At least I didn't sigh loudly and tap my foot.

I bet my blood pressure was through the roof.

I don't think I'm gonna be a very good little old lady.

Eat, Pray, Spend

I don't quite think THIS is what Elizabeth Gilbert had in mind when she wrote Eat, Pray, Love.

My contribution to the spending spree? The price of a paperback and a movie ticket.

Far from the Madding Crowd

Black Friday.

Yes, I've done it before. The early rising. Fighting the crowds. No parking. Long lines. Aggravation. And this is supposed to be fun?

No, thanks. Today, instead of celebrating consumerism, my daughter and I are going to Little Rock, having a nice, relaxing lunch, and spending the afternoon at the movies.

I guess I'm a rebel at heart.

In the Bag

I'm taking suggestions. I've decided to buy myself a nice leather messenger bag, but I've had trouble finding one that meets my specifications. I want it to have a professional look--for work and conferences, but I don't want it to have that "briefcase" look. I want it to be quality leather, one that will last and age well. I don't want it to be huge, but I do need it to be big enough to hold papers to grade and a book or two, or my laptop, and it also needs to have pockets for my cell phone and ipod.

I shopped around when we went to Oklahoma City and earlier this week in Little Rock, with no results. I found this Coach bag online, and I'm leaning towards it, but I'm afraid it's gonna be a tight fit for my laptop. Any recommendations?

I'm Not Making This Up

Great eavesdropping doesn’t just happen in Walmart. Monday I was in Little Rock, trying to finish up my Christmas shopping, and while waiting in the checkout line at Best Buy, I overheard a priceless conversation.

An elderly couple was in line behind me. I heard him say to his wife in a shocked voice, “Look over there at that yellow thing. It says, ‘Kill Bill.’”

“I think that’s the name of a movie,” she informed him.

“Oh,” he said. “I thought maybe it was talking about Bill Clinton.”

I hope they couldn’t see my shoulders shaking.

All Humility Aside

I know. I know. You’re not supposed to toot your own horn. I’ve heard all about pride going before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall, but this is really true. I know I have this talent. My husband reminds me of it regularly, so it must be so. As Dave Barry used to say, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

My talent? I can, invariably, at any place of business, at any time of day, on any given occasion, choose the worst shopping cart available. And my talent is not simple. Oh, no. There’s complexity involved here. I go in for variety. One day it’s the wobbly wheel, other days it’s the stuck one. Often I choose the cart that clacks loudly with each wheel rotation. Sometimes I select a cart that pulls strongly to the left, other times to the right.

I’ve even tested my instincts. I’ve chosen a cart, pushed it for a few feet to discover its weak spot, returned it and chosen another. And guess what? Validation. Yet again my talent shone through. Sometimes it takes three or four tries before my talent fails me and I select a properly functioning cart.

With talent like this, it’s hard to be humble.