Bye, Bye BlackBerry

A little over a week ago I upgraded from a BlackBerry to an iPhone. Of course, I love my new iPhone. With all those great apps, it's just plain fun to use. But that's not the main reason I'm liking it so much better than my BlackBerry. It has to do, you see, with that little red blinking light.

With the BlackBerry, every time I'd get a message--text or email--that little red light would start blinking. And, of course, I'd feel compelled to check it. That red light was a tyrant. The really bad thing was that it blinked for every message. You couldn't set it to distinguish between a text message (which I did want to know about because it was usually from my husband or kids) and an email (which I didn't always want to be alerted of, especially because a lot of emails on my HU account were "colleagues" emails which often had nothing to do with me, at least not in any immediate sense, or because I didn't always want to handle student emails on my off time but after having read them I couldn't quit thinking about them; and emails received through my yahoo account were mostly things I didn't want to have to sort through in my work account, like confirmations of orders or newsletters, i.e. nothing I needed to be "notified" about).

Now, on my iPhone, I'm still alerted when I have a text message; however, although I have ready access to my email accounts, there is no immediate alert. I forget about my email for hours at a time and check it only when I feel like it. In my quest for simplification, I'd thought of doing away with mobile email access, just because of the control it seemed to exert over me and the subsequent rise in stress level, but I hesitated to do so because having immediate access to email has often saved me a lot of time and trouble.

iPhone to the rescue . . .

I Know You Think You Heard What I Said . . .

This was forwarded to me by a good friend and colleague, Mark Elrod, and, being the literary person

I am, I just had to post it. See what we English teachers are up against?

They Just Don't Get It

I've been ranting lately about how students just don't get the connections between hard work, following directions, and their grade. Entitlement mentality rules. Here's further evidence. It's an actual student email, with certain details deleted to maintain the student's anonymity. All wording, spelling, punctuation, etc. is the student's.

"hey miss Eddleman. This is _____, I just check the Final score of mine for this semester, well, it was a D. but there is one thing that I'm planning to transfer to _____for this fall semester, and for the _____student requirement, I need to have a least a C for this class, so I can be able to get in to _____. I just want to know if there is anything that we can work it out to pumps my grade up to C? I know its tough, but I really need it.. so please let me know. Thxs"

I respectfully declined to change the grade. See how unreasonable I am?

Yeah, right.

Hmmm. The African scam doesn't seem to be working anymore. I know! I know! Let's pretend we're British! Everybody'll fall for that . . .

Lady Jessica Powell

No,11 old cape road

United Kingdom.

Here writes Lady Jessica, suffering from cancerous ailment. I was married to Sir Richard Powell an Englishman who is dead. My husband was into private practice all his life before his death. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three decades without any child, as a result of this my husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to a physical disability or financial predicament. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 20 Million British pounds which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with a bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still in the bank.Recently, my doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from and the stroke in addition.With this that has befallen my family and me I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift to fund the upkeep of uplift the down-trodden and the less-privilege since i have no child and my late husband's relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons I do not want my husband's hard earned money to be misused. I shall give you the contact of the bank in UK and a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary. You can contact me through my personal email address::ladyjessicapowell2010@hotmail.co.uk

Best Regards,

Lady Jessica Powell. [sic]

I feel really sorry for Lady Jessica. It's tough having bourgeois relatives.

In & Out

My new paperwork/mail/email systems work like this:

Mail: I get the mail. Immediately I trash the junk mail. I open everything else right then. My magazines go in my reading basket by my chair. My husband's magazines go in his reading basket, yes, you guessed it, in the bathroom. (It's a guy thing, I guess.) I file what needs to be filed. If it's a bill, I throw away all the inserts and put the bill in the new tray I bought for the office desk. If it contains information about a meeting or appointment, etc. I record that information on my calendar immediately. That's it. It takes only a minute or two, and both my desk and my kitchen island (where mail used to languish and multiply) stay clean. Every couple of days, I pay the bills that have accumulated and file them. Nothing's lost and nothing's forgotten.

Email: A week ago my email inbox contained, I'm ashamed to admit, 1252 items. 1252!!! The number alone gave me heart palpitations, but surely all that must be important, right? Wrong. I started with the oldest ones and deleted wholesale. If I didn't even have any idea what was back there, how important could it be? As I got nearer to today's date, I paid closer attention to what was there, but most of it was simply stuff I hadn't deleted way back when I should have. So I deleted everything but a couple of items. Those, I created folders for and moved them into the appropriate one. My rule now is to handle every new email as soon as I read it. If it's junk, I delete it. If I need to respond, I do it right then and then delete. If it's an appointment, I record it in my datebook and delete. If it's something that I may need later, I move it to the appropriate folder. Right now, there's only one item in my inbox, and it's only still there because it's an ongoing group conversation that I'll delete as soon as all have responded and the matter's settled.

So easy. So simple. Right? It's just a habit that I'm trying to do until it becomes second nature. I'm breathing easier already.

Just Place Your Order

Latest student email, received after sending the student a warning about excessive absences:

"Sorry for missing so much class. I meant to inform you last week but I forgot. I was wondering if I could get 2 excused absences for being sick and 2 unexcused for missing the other 2 days. I will be in class today and will do my best not to miss another day."

A Little Confused

I got an email from a student the other evening:

"On this assignment for tomorrow. I probably should already know this, but one inch margins is what Microsoft Word does, right? And double spaced, that means between the lines, right?"

Yeah . . . . right.

FBI (Nigeria Division) Needs Editor

I received this email yesterday. I'm really glad the FBI is looking out for me, but they really need to hire an editor. Don't you think? Companies Name: SPEEDPOST DIPLOMATIC COURIER COMPANY. Email: speedpostdiplomaticcourier11@live.com Directors Name: MR. JAMES WHETSTINE Telephone Number: +234-7090420785 ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY So, we, the federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington Dc, inconjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department haveinvestigated through our monitoring network noting that your transaction withthe Central Bank of Nigeria legal. You have the legitimate right to completeyour transaction to claim your fund US$8,000,000.00 (Eight million united states dollars) Because of so much scam going on in Nigeria.We the federal bureau ofinvestigation dicided to contact the Express Courier Service Company inNigeria for them to give us their proceedures on how to sent this money to you without any futher complain or delay. We just got an information from the Central Bank of Nigeria and they have loaded your US$8,000,000.00 in ATM CARD and submit to the express courier service company for immediate delivery to your doorstep. You are required to choose one option, which you will be able to pay and also convenient for you, for quick delivery of your parcel containing your ATM CARD and other two original back up documents. Service Type | Delivery Duration | Charges/Fees: Premium Express (24hrs Delivery) Mailing $200.00 00.00 Insurance $150.00 .00 Vat $100.00 00.00 TOTAL $450.00 $450(Four Hundred and fifty US Dollars Only). Special Express (2 Days) Mailing $180.00 00.00 Insurance $50.00 00.00 Vat $150.00 00.00 TOTAL $380.00 00.00 $380(Three Hundred and Eighty US Dollars Only). Economy Express (3Days) Mailing $100.00 00.00 Insurance$?150.00 00.00 Vat (5%) $50.00 00.00 TOTAL $300.00 00.00 $300(Three Hundred US Dollars Only). You are hereby required to advice us, on your parcel delivery option by filling in the required form stated above. Please note that the deadline for claiming your fund is exactly one week after the receipt of this email. After this period, your fund will be return back to the ordering costumer. That is the instruction given to us .So take note. We request that you reconfirm your mailing address to ensure conformity with our record for immediate dispatch of your parcel to you. Only valid residential/ Office address and postal address are certified ok. DELIVERY DESTINATION INFORMATION: Receiver's Name :.............................................. Address:............................................................... Tel/:...................................................................... We are here to protect you from any problem till you receive your package.You can as well get intouch with the guardian express delivery company assigned to deliver this financial package to your doorstep. Below is the delivery companies contact information: Companies Name: SPEEDPOST DIPLOMATIC COURIER COMPANY. Email: speedpostdiplomaticcourier11@live.com Directors Name: MR. JAMES WHETSTINE Telephone Number: +234-7090420785 The following link was sent from OFFICIAL LETTER FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI. http://www.xenos.com/ [OFFICIAL LETTER FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI]

Dessert Psycho

I recently received this e-mail from a friend:

If all of the eight desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one!) Trust me...this is very accurate.

Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about you.

REMEMBER - No Cheating. Make your choice before you check the meaning.

Here are your choices:

1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Short Cake

6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake

No, you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully about what your choice will be.

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what the researchers say about you... SCROLL DOWN---No Cheating!

1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.

2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good teacher.. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own style because you do your own thing. You shine when it comes to helping others and have many friends.

4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.

5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You can be very emotional at times but a true person in every way. You like to do things for yourself and help others learn about themselves.

6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING-- Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach others. A wonderful role model.

The problem with tests like these is that the developers always forget about people like me. See, I’d probably get a small brownie, a sliver of chocolate cake, top it all off with ice cream, and then I’d lick the cream cheese icing off the serving utensil after the carrot cake had been served.

Anybody want to analyze that?