You Just Thought You Knew

“Urban Dictionary is the slang dictionary you wrote. Define your world.”

Wanna see how this on-line dictionary defines the word “book”?

1. book—an object used as a coaster, increase the hight of small children, or increase the stability of poorly built furniture. Example: “Where do you want me to put your drink?” “Oh, just leave it on top of that book.”

2. book—verb meaning to run or to leave in a hurry Example: “I booked when the cops showed up!”

3. book—cool: the first option given when trying to type 'cool' in a text message using t9 “That chick thinks she's book, but she's totally hacked.”

4. book—1. A source of information. 2. A source of entertainment. 3. A tool barely used by todays societies, because it is not 'cool' to read a book. Examples: 1. The dictionary 2. Neil Gaimain's 'American Gods' 3. Which is a shame, really, because once upon a time (and today, in countries with little money) a book was a precious commodity.

6. book—secret word for "booze" Used when near adults or somewhere that you cannot talk about drinking openly. a. a shot is one page b. reading a book means drinking c. being literate means being drunk (since you have "read the book") d. being illiterate means being sober e. the library is the liqour store. Examples: a. “Lets read a few pages!!” b. “I’m gonna read a book.”
c. “Damn man, Bob read so many pages that now he is literate as hell!” d. Bob: "Wanna read a few pages after school man?" Jim: "Naw man, I have a driving lesson and I gotta stay illiterate." e. "Yo, I’m gonna get some books at the library so we can have a lot of it at the party."

7. book—1000 hits of acid. Somebody else posted that it was a hundred. That is incorrect. 100 is a sheet or page. 10 is a strip and 10,000 is a bible. I used to get books for $1450.

8. book—1. An object containing information (ie: words, pictures) used for the purpose of entertainment or education. These are now available in electronic form. One that writes such a 'book' has the ability to earn money known as 'royalty'. 2. To get into trouble with an authority figure such as a teacher or a police officer. 3. To make an escape... usually from an authority figure such as the ones mentioned above. Student 1: “Dude! I forgot to read my book for my report for English Class!” Student 2: “Did the teacher book you?” Student 1: “Na man, I booked before she could find out!”

10. book—An archiac form for bringing information to the masses. Consists of several paper pages with words printed or written directly on them. After the invent of computers, books where a thing of history. Evidently many people on the internet cannot read words with only letters in them, they MUST contain numbers and symbols as well.

13. Book—In the Twilight Zone, an episode which showed the disappearance of humankind, there was one guy left in the world, a bookish type of person that read all the books that he possibly could. In the end of the episode, he finds out he had all the time in the world to read every single book in human history, the problem was, that he broke his glasses, and could not read any book. he screamed "I had all the time in the world!" Lesson of the episode? Dont take things for granted. Books are cool, if you find the time to get interested in one that is.

14. Book—A collection of paper strips, usually bound together and labeled on the cover or binding. The strips, or pages, contain various sections, or chapters, which relate facts or a story. Generally, all topics discussed in the book relate to each other and form a point, which is the main theme of the book. Many books relate stories, whether funny, action-packed, romantic, horrible, dramatic, etc. Some books are very evil and discuss topics boring and very fact-based. These are called School books, and should be burned.

28. book—A piece of literature that people read and write to make themselves feel smart.

33. book—one of the greater objects to fill free time with. Reading a book induces feelings and thoughts not attainable anywhere else.

34. book—A movie that hasn't yet been shot.

38. book--An object that you should never look at,EVER. Boy 1: "I’m gonna read a book." Boy 2: “Nooooooooooooooooooo!!"

48. book—1.best thing in da world 2. worst thing in da world Examples: 1. “I love reading books in my free time.” 2. “Ugh. I have to read 5 books over vacation for English homework.”

49. book—Object that does not give instant gratification, like a computer, a television or a dildo.

52. book—A source of reading, in America and most English speaking countries opens right to left then you read them top to bottom left to right.

53. book—"koob" spelled backwards.

54. book—A now useless form of entertainment Example: “You like books?! You should have real fun and watch TV and play video games! No one has the right to tell people what fun to have! (Mine was just a suggestion.) Those annoying grown-ups have to stop telling us to read instead!!!!!!!!”

55. book--Useless pieces of paper with words on them. Wait- I take that back-FREE ROLLING PAPERS!

Word Nerd

There were early clues. Take the Dictionary Game, for instance (see 7/31/08 post), or the embarrassing fact that I really liked the Vocabulary lessons in school. Realizing that I have always flipped through each new issue of Reader’s Digest to find the “Word Power” section first would have alerted a more self-aware person, and having one dictionary in my office, one by my chair at home, one downloaded on my laptop, and an electronic one in my purse probably should have tipped me off.

Buying a book called Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages really should have been the final straw. But when I read a review of a book by Roy Blount, Jr. titled

Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists and Spirits of Letters, Words and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory

and got really excited about buying it, I recognized the truth: I am a Word Nerd.

Blount is a prolific writer in many genres. He’s written essays and novels, reported on sports, compiled a humorous anthology, written cultural commentary and light verse. He’s acted occasionally, is an oral storyteller, a lecturer, and a regular on NPR’s quiz show Wait, Wait . . . Don’t Tell Me. He’s a contributing editor for the Atlantic Monthly and a usage adviser to the American Heritage Dictionary. It sure sounds like he’s qualified to write a book about words.

Reviewer Michael Dirda explains,

“The title Alphabet Juice derives from its author’s contention that sound and sense are often strikingly related, that certain letters and combinations of letters possess a gut-level electricity, and that ‘through centuries of knockabout breeding and intimate contact with the human body’ some words ‘have absorbed the uncanny power to carry the ring of truth.’ A high-fiber word like ‘grunt’ sounds right for what it means. Good diction thus tends to be sonicky. Blount’s neologism for that ‘quality of a word whose sound doesn’t imitate a sound, like boom or poof, but does somehow sensuously evoke the essence of the word: queasy or rickety or zest or sluggish or vim.’ To write well, then, we need to use our tongue and ears, not only our mind and fingers.”

Dirda reveals that the book contains many lists, such as Blount’s favorite one-word, two-word, and three-word sentences. For example: “Fuhgeddaboudit.” “Jesus wept.” and “Call me Ishmael.” Blount discusses eccentric names in life and literature, takes jabs at politicians, and celebrates “the New York Times, the South, and lively English.”

Blount may have dubbed himself a “shade-tree lexicographer,” but this Word Nerd is definitely impressed. And headed to the bookstore.

[For the complete review, see “Blount’s bountiful wit infuses Alphabet Juice” in the 10/19/08 edition of the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, 4H]